A Note On Leprechauns

In the story I told preceding this post I mentioned a leprechaun I met. At one point in the story I got the leprechaun to look the other way by saying there was a walrus behind him. Don't confuse this for random idiocy. We all know that the only things that leprechauns fear are walruses. If you can prove otherwise, I'd like to see your source. The burden of proof is on you my friend.

Stop reading...if you must.

- Rian

A Quaint Little Story

Once upon a time,

There was a boy who finished his finals and started Christmas break before all of his friends from other schools. Since his friends from his school don't live close enough to see regularly, he was forced to be bored. They were long, lonely days of internet poker, playing with the animals, downloading music, and basically going insane.

Then one day he was visited by a lepreuchan who told him that he would never be sure that he was spelling leprechaun correctly and also that he was NOT going crazy. This was surprising news to the boy since he had never before in his life seen a leprechaun and was pretty sure they didn't exist. Yet, still, having heard many magical stories about leprechauns, he knew what to do. He shouted that there was a big walrus behind the leprechaun and when the little guy turned in fear to look, the boy grabbed him. The leprechaun was so fucking pissed and bit the boy's hand. The boy dropped the leprechaun and screamed out obsenities. When he looked again, the little green man was gone. The boy was sad and the leprechaun had left a scar on him, literally, the bite marks could be seen for the rest of his life.

When the boy's friends came home from their own exams, he never told them this story for fear of what they would say. It was, after all, completely ridiculous. Even though he had the bite marks on his hand, there's no way he couldn't prove that a baby hadn't bitten him rather than a leprechaun. So the boy never told anybody and he carried the story with him to the grave.

The moral of the story is: Never grab an angry, imaginary leprechaun...it won't do anybody a spot of good

Stop reading.

- Rian

Look-a-Like

There are many things in this world that are impossible to understand. Magic is one of those things. David Copperfield made the Hoover Dam dissapear? How does he do it?! Another of those things we don't understand is death. But that's not what this is about either. Another thing nobody will ever understand in the human brain...that's also not what this is about. Another thing is people who look like other people but aren't related...but that's not...no wait, it is. That's what this is about.

One day I was watching the History channel, as I often do to expand my knowledge of our past to enrich my hopes for the future. Or some shit like that. Anyway, it was this piece about WWII. That's not all that amazing since eighty percent of the programs on the History Channel are about WWII. Apparently there's a lot to say about it.

Well I was watching and guess who pops on the screen? No, not "my mom"...you're so juvenile. No, it was Hitler, Adolf Hitler. He was sticking out his hand, speaking all german, looking all gay in his small evil mustache and I was sitting there watching him and something struck me. I started to realize that Hitler looked VERY familiar...beside looking like Hitler that is. I thought about it a moment and I got it. Hitler looks like Kevin Spacey. Or more correctly, Kevin Spacey looks like Hitler.

I used Google Image Search like all red blooded Americans do, to confirm my beliefs. My beliefs were confirmed for the most part. When you put them next to each other you can still see the striking similarities but I must say they look more like each other when you don't see them together. I was a little dissapointed, but it's still there. Take a gander:



Do you see it? Receding hair line, egg shaped head, round eyes, same thin lips, same sunken cheeks. The only real difference I see, beside hair style and the fact they don't share mustache grooming tips (i.e. Spacey shaves, Hitler gays), is the chin.

Okay, so that look-a-like isn't perfect. Let's try another one. This one was popluar about 4 years ago after the tragic 9/11 affair. Everyone in the country knew the name Osama Bin Laden and people wanted him captured and killed. To this day that hasn't been done. But perhaps we've been looking in the wrong places.

Consider these pictures of Osama Bin Laden and Scotty Pippin:



You'll have to use a little imagination on this one. Look at Pippin. Sure, his face looks a little too long, but put on the bushy beard and the turban. Now what do you think? We found him!!! Oh wait...it looks like he's already been arrested by Houston Police Department. Sucks for him, getting caught in Texas of all places.

Stop reading.

- Rian